Do you feel like you & your partner aren't on the same page when it comes to finances? Does the idea of discussing finances with your partner feel overwhelming? Do you often argue about money with your partner? Or perhaps you just don't discuss money with your partner at all?
If you relate to even one of the above questions, you are not alone! Some studies show that less than 40% of couples have healthy, detailed money conversations. This is a problem, because lack of communication often leads to arguments, shutting down, uncomfortableness, loneliness & feelings of inadequacy with your partner, which of course does not equate to the best relationship you could have. And remember, money IS affecting your relationship, whether you are discussing it or not.
If you want to start opening up & having healthy money conversations with your partner, I recommend starting on your own. Take some notes about the things you want to discuss. And don't forget to start small! You will not get through everything in your first (or second or third...) conversation.
Make sure you lead the conversation with your WHY. Write out WHY you want to improve communication around finances with your partner. This could be anything from "I want to have more open communication because I feel like we aren't as close as we once were." to "If we get organized, we can finally take that dream vacation we have often talked about."
Remember not to blame your partner for anything. If one of you came into the relationship with a lot of debt & the other didn't, it will not help to point fingers. You are both in this relationship together so remember that the important thing is how you reach your goals together. Use the words "we" & "us" instead of "I" & "you."
Write out some notes about what will change once you & your partner are openly discussing money. See below for some examples:
We can spend less time worrying about money & more time planning & dreaming about the fun things we want to do with our money.
We will both feel less stress, meaning we can get better sleep & feel less irritable.
Getting on the same page can bring us closer to each other, creating more intimacy.
Our relationship with our kids & extended family could improve because we will both understand our financial goals & where we want out money to go, & can articulate that better to others.
I promise you that discussing money with your partner in a healthy, open way can only bring the two of you closer. I know it can feel very overwhelming to be vulnerable, & getting started is the hardest part. But once you do, you will be so glad you did! I've never had a client tell me they weren't thrilled once they opened themselves up to discussing money with their partner.
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